A Hard Lesson

Hey all,

Yesterday was my birthday. I was proved again why planing a party or trying to do anything special never works for me. Sure there were a few texts , Facebook posts and 1 call, but otherwise the day passed with little fanfare and a lot of disappointment. The one person who really has nothing to do all day, who by the way had been excited about hanging out, never responded to any texts and then went on to say how much they loved me. Well the old adage of "it's actions not words" rings true.

Ok I might just be a little tough on this person. They do work the night shift and does have to sleep weird hours. However, as actions speak more than words, this hurt. What also hurt is no gifts. Not that I need anything or had something specific in mind that I wanted, but that doesn't mean that someone  (ie my husband) doesn't know what I like or had a list of things I wanted him to look for online. Instead of doing that he went to bed early every night. So when he got me my card, all he got was a box of chocolates. No real thought, just something there he grabbed to have something to give me. Now it's a nice thought and we did go out to dinner, which is something we don't always do. So it was a nice night and he tried. Still it would have been nice for something more thoughtful.

Granted I am having a party over the weekend. There are plans most of the weekend to help me celebrate. Even that though is not a source of happiness as it should. Some family members who go on about how they wanted to be around family and be there for special events for their family as well as for us, the extended family. Well almost 8 years ago (coincidentally, the last time I ever tried to do something on my birthday) same person as well as others put a bowling game in more importance then letting me plan my party on when I really had wanted it. I had to plan it on another day. Not so bad not having it on the day I turned 30, didn't have to be on the day so things worked out. Now all these years later, again actions speak, and bowling is on a different day and once again interfering with this family member coming. Though it could change and they would show up, it's still disappointing. Mentally I know that if it wasn't the first night and they would forfeit the game, the fact that that is more important to them then showing up and being there for me hurts. What also hurts is said family member stated that if I hadn't had the nerve to have a party the way I wanted, and just had family party like the rest of the family got, they would be there.

On top of that now people who once stated they were going are now backing out. So again as much as words are nice, it's the actions that speak. So once again something that was supposed to be a happy nice occasion being tempered b those not attending.

What also speaks is that on Facebook, whenever it's someone's birthday I make a point of saying happy birthday. Even if it's not someone who is a close friend or family. I do it. The fact that besides those who are closest to me, not one birthday wish. Of course now posting thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday, more people are sending wishes. In other words, not people who are sincere. So either I really don't mean anything at all to these people, or there are that many people who are that self absorbed they can't read their Facebook notices that reminds them of friends birthdays. It's not like they are not on it anyway posting or checking their wall. It just pisses me off that it just seems like I don't mean anything to people and their feelings, even if I'm not close means something to me. Got a lot of soul searching to do I guess.

I know it sounds like that I am depressed in these last few posts, but I'm not. I'm disgusted.

deeply trubled and sadened

Well friends I am back ! That's the good news The reason why I'm back is not. To get a real understanding of the current situation, let me take you back almost 9 years ago to the planing of my 30th birthday party. Wanted to host a party for family and friends for the milestone birthday. However, the year I was turning 30 by birthday landed on a Sunday.Now not a problem normally, but a lot of my family was on a bowling league. Yes don't laugh, bowling. It's something that my parents enjoyed when I was a child and once my brother moved back he wanted to bowl with his wife and my parents on a league. Long story short, at least 4 members of my family were on a league that stated the Sunday of my birthday. So needless to say as it's the first night for those not in the know, you decide a lot of things with the first meeting/night of season. Most of which will affect how much you have to pay. Needless to say the idea of family not being a part of my party distressed me. Needless to say tears ensued and my wonderful husband dried those tears and helped a compromise that we were all good with. Though I didn't really like it, I had the party the night before. I then went out with a small group of friends till after midnight so I'd be out on my birthday.  After that party, I really never tried to plan anything for it again. I figured as long as they bowled it would be pointless to try and set anything up without running into the same issues time and again.

So for the last eight years I have not really done anything for my birthday. That's not to say I didn't spend a nice day out and about with my hubby. I just never had a big party. This year I decided I wanted to do something nice for my birthday that wouldn't just be the 2 of us. I wanted a party so I can be around all the people who make up my life. The idea that family were supposed to spend time together and be there for these type of things, which is one of the reasons my brother moved back home after being away 16 years. So here I am trying to plan a party to celebrate my last year in my 30's and trying to get a head count and turns out some family members can't make it again due to bowling. Now some others can't make it and those I can understand. one is going away for basic training, the other and her fiance have plans that night and she already has to get time off of work for that. Now with the family members not not attending due to bowling will have 2 of there 4 kids miss out on party as well. So now I am down 4 from the 20 we gave the restaurant. I was thinking there were going to be more, not less. Look I get that the first night when part of a team is important and really can't be missed. I have a friend missing for bowling too, but she I can understand. It's the family I can't. God wants us to put family first. I feel that I am always being pushed aside and forced to do things I don't want to do because others won't  be there for me.

Family member in question stated that the day after my party I could always just do one just the family at my parents house. I just didn't want to do the half assed party that would entail. I wanted to avoid that by having this party on my terms. I know the family member in question really wants to go and depending on things may still be able to go, but it's just hurtful that I can't count on them to be there for me when I need them. It's just disappointing that I come in 2nd to a game. It feels like it's always something. I have to make concessions for them if I want them to be a part of things, but they won't for me if I had something that would stop me from attending one of their events.  

Even more excited !!

So it's now a day before the event and I was still expecting to have to go back and forth to be able to set aside the books I would need to be able to attend the event I've been looking forward to since April when the book tour was cannoned. I can now say that things have finally worked themselves out as I hoped they would. I now have the books pre ordered and will be able to just collect what I need at the time of the event with out a lot of hoopla. I am grateful that the event coordinator was able to get back with me finally and had taken care of what needed to be done to make attending this even a less painful and more enjoyable one. Now all I have to do is get to event, meet up with an old friend and just enjoy. I am glad to say that is not anther want to do things that lands on my regret list instead of the I am so glad I did that list. I am at that time in my life where I am suppose to not be adding to, but reducing that list and I am glad to say that it's happening!! I am so grateful to husband for be understating about my wanting to go and not giving me an issue about going. I am grateful to my niece, whom has no interest in this author in any way, but was willing to say "sure I'll go if you want" just to go and spend time with me. I am glad everything is finally coming together for this. I am slightly sorry that the event isn't today and today is the day the book comes out. I know fans at her first stop tonight are going to be crazy excited. I am so tempted to go out and get the book, even though I have a signed one (even better then just getting a first edition) waiting for me. I almost don't want to read the signed one. I am so torn about it.Anyone who feels the way I do about books, especially hardcover first editions will understand. Stay tuned for more about the event and the book !

Getting excited

Hello all !

Well I am getting excited for an event coming up that I am going to be lucky enough to attend. Anyone who has read any of my more recent blogs knows that I LOVE  Laurell K Hamilton. Anything she's written and any event she attended that was filmed. As we are getting close to her latest Anita Blake novel release, I am happy to announce that I am going to be lucky enough to be able to finally attend one of these events in person. She is only putting on a few of these for this latest novel. One of these is finally going to be near enough to where I live that it would be fees-able to even consider attending. So with that being said, a plan was hatched to make it happen. So now I am pleased to announce that I will be definitely be going and am so happy. Though it wouldn't be me if something didn't happen that would make this possibly not happen. There was an event that occurred a few days ago that almost kept me from being able to go. Even though I would have been saddened to not make it, for what happened I wouldn't grudge for one moment having to miss out. Not to say I wouldn't be disappointed, but... Thankfully I don't have to make that choice. Of course there was the typical bull that my corporate job puts me through when it comes to getting time off. It started when I found out about the event months ago and immediately put in for the time off. Of course it was denied and I had to fight for it for the last 2 months so I could go. Ironically the same day that the event occurred that would have kept me from going, is the day that my job finally approved the time off. Of course the job wasn't the aspect making this difficult. Some rules set up regarding the event tend to make it difficult for out of towners to attend. It's almost like they don't want the tourist money that would be raised for 2 people needing a hotel and food and just in general spending money in there city. So trying to work with the people of the store hosting the event has been good, but lots of phone tag and still the pre-order is not done. Days before the event and I can't say that I am impressed with how it's being handled. The person is pleasant enough, but I just don't understand why it's got to be so hard. I didn't want to have to go back and forth and back and forth from where I am staying and where the event is being held. Though at this point I have no choice but to do this and leave earlier then I had intended . Though I am just glad to be attending. I am also glad to be seeing an old friend I haven't seen in over a decade. Things usually have a way of working out and I am hoping that in all the stress and obstacles faced to get to the event, the more I will enjoy and hold dear the memories that attending will make.

On a slightly, but not all different note, a co-worker who is a published author whom talked to me about his writing group is now back at work in my office. I am glad to report that not only did we resume our friendship and talks about writing again, but have someone whom I can reach out to and be able to get advice from and play ideas off of. I am so pleased with this outcome that I can only say this gets my writing juices flowing again and that my book is only going to be all the stronger for it.