New Year

Well friends, it's that time of year again. A time where we all make lists of things we want to do or goals we want to accomplish. It's also the time of year when these mostly go unfulfilled within hours of being set. I know I have made mention before that finishing my book was my gold/resolution. In a way I have fulfilled this by working on it throughout the years. Smaller goal of just to write whether on here, fb, my personal journal, something, anything to just write. This advice was provided by my favorite author, Laurel K Hamilton. It is something I take to heart when I hear her give this advice when she does interviews or does any con visits. So to start the new year with same goals in mind, being closer then I had been to making it come true, I am posting this blog tonight.

Why you may ask am I not out or preparing to go out to bring in the new year. Quite frankly, it's because I wasn't asked. I used to have standing plans with a friend, but she now goes off and does her own thing. What about my husband you ask? Well I'll tell you. The few time when we were dating and were together on new years eve, which was only twice, 1 of those times we went out, the other time we stayed at my house with my parents and he feel asleep on my couch. Ever since we've been married, we really haven't done much. We had a few gatherings once in awhile at our place, but nothing big or really planed out. Trouble is you have to know what you want to do, ask your intended guests, and be prepared for them. The few times we had company on this night, it was always last minuet thrown together and finding those who didn't already have plans that could attend.  Usually this was because a day or so before the "big event" my husband would finally decide that he wanted company or to do something. Well I heard him talking to his Dad and he must have asked what our plans were and my husband replied "nothing ever since coming to this dump." Like there are not places throwing parties or restaurants having activities or extended hours. No he comes home in a pissy mood on purpose. Doesn't talk to me and proceeds to fall asleep in his chair as early as possible and pretends like I don't want to do anything or that we can't still go somewhere. His plans are to sleep the night away and then in the morning take all the Christmas things down. So I get to sit around by myself, kiss no one like I was back in middle school and not really dating yet, though I have someone to kiss, and bring in the new year all by my lonesome. To top it off. I get to use the only day I get off for this holiday doing all the work of putting the house back in order. It's not like last week were I got the day after Christmas off too. At least for me anyway. He gets tomorrow and Friday off, plus the weekend. Who will be doing all the work he insists gets done? Me. Though I'll stay up till midnight and he's the one with all the rest.

Enough of the rant though. Back to my original thought. So many people say  new year new me and similar phrases. Too many of us forget or break those things too early in the new year to have even really attempted them. That is why my goal is to stay steady on the course I have recently taken to get my book completed. I know I am the type that needs a dead line or else I'll procrastinate as long as I can, just like most people. Though with the new hours that just started before all this holiday stuff got in the way I have a steady plan in place to meet this goal. I believe in the not so far future I will have that book completed. I am hoping so anyway. So while I am at least ending this year on a note that gets me moving in the direction I want the new year to go in, though not happily, I wish you and yours all the best in the upcoming year. May you all set goals that are achievable so you don't want to give up at the first sign of failure.

Here's to the New Year !!!!!!!!   

Beyond fustrated

Please forgive this little rant, but I can't seem to get passed a few things that happened at work today without writing about it and get it out of my system this way, before it eats away at me and ruins what could/should be a nice relaxing evening with my husband. He being in good spirits and my mood putting a shadow over it, I just need a release. So here it is:

Some people at work need to stop being duplicitous. If you are a person in a position where you have underlings of any kind, you need be sure that you treat everyone under you in the same manor. You SHOULD not extend curtsies to some and not others. An example of this is when you have people who have vacation time left to use before the end of the year and you know this and one person has come to you with a request to use that time and you ignore it and don't respond to it and make that person hunt you down to ask you for a response to that request and you fluff it off and another person under you asks for time off and you make sure she gets it. This does nothing to instill confidence in your leadership abilities. This does not make people want to jump up and yell their support for you. I thought this was a work place, not high school, though I guess when the person in question was a former student of mine and not too long out of high school, I guess this is not a surprise. I know I am not great shakes at instilling confidence in myself as I don't carry myself with confidence and it shows to others. I hate this about myself and strive to fix this about myself.

The other incident at work that bothers me is this: why if someone above you has no issue with something that is happening and all but basically pushed the situation on me, why would you go out of your way to make sure there is an issue. If the person above you doesn't seem to have an issue, then don't go out of your way to make sure there is one. I have done nothing to either person and the fact both seem to try and go out of their way to try and make my experience at this job uncomfortable and more stressful then it needs to be.

So to end this rant, please if you are a boss of any kind, remember that people notice things, talk to others, share what's happening and it doesn't always look good for you or the people you are supposed to be in charge of. If others see that you are treating someone a certain way, they will think there's a good reason as you are the boss and that doesn't help your people work as a team like you say you want them.

In other news, the new work hours I have now have renewed the good vibes in my marriage. I think  my husband and I haven't been closer. I am enjoying the companionship we have as we share the chores that seem tedious when doing them alone. We have encouraged each other to make it down to exercise. It's just been nice spending some down time together and still getting the chores out of the way. So in that aspect, work has been good to me.  

Crap !

That is the word that sums up this day for me. Had day off and was going to finish decorating for the holiday. What a joke! Earlier this week the lights I put up in the covered indoor porch didn't go well and still haven't figured out those yet. Today the lights for the tree once I went around it what felt like a million times don't work. Now the storm that was supposed be winding down is finally actually hitting us and really hope that it ends in time to not be terrible getting to work. My husband got to work from home today due to the pending storm, but now looks like it should have been tomorrow that we both were home, not today. I just feel defeated. Every time I think I am going to give/get a good holiday, the worse it gets. I so want to have those feel good holidays like I had growing up and see on tv. I know those arn't true to form and no one can live up to them most of the time, but I want it anyway. My husband and I both long for those holidays when things seemed simpler. To be honest I just wish for help. One of the things I remember about growing up is that the whole family helped decorate for the holiday, not just one person. Yes Mom did most of it, but Dad cut down the tree, put up the lights outside with help from my brother, and put the lights on the tree and took care of it. That was before we got a artificial tree. Still he did the lights and got all the decorations for my Mom and us kids to put up. Last year I got some help with getting the decorations down and out, but that was it. I still had to put everything up and I had to do the porch lights myself. Why I could get them to work last year and not this year is still bothering me. Though I did those on my own I still has issued with some sections of lights not working and needed help from Dad with, but still. I am trying hard not to have to use him all the time for help because I know there will be time when he won't be able to or won't be around at all. I want to be able to do these things on my own. Where some husbands will go on latters and put up light mine won't. Unfortunately I am to short to carry the big later we have by myself and even though it's tall enough, the rungs are the narrow kind that make me feel unsteady so I don't like climbing it, even though I don't have issues with heights. So trying to stick to just the porch lights that I can do myself and it seems even though they all work (YAY) I can't get the one situation figured out to be able to turn them on.

The other issue is that whatever cold I had a few weeks ago that only went away for a week and now came back is not helping things. Also my husband has not been feeling well in a different way and is being a pain about trying to decorate and is making me not in the mood for this holiday at all on top of these other things that have gone wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I am trying to say my husband hasn't done anything, he just shoved us out and will probably do it again in the morning. He also worked all day and couldn't help when I was trying to do things. It's just that he wouldn't have if he hadn't been. It wouldn't have even occurred to him to ask if I needed it. That's the part that gets me. When he knew things weren't working with the lights he could have offered to drive me to the store during his lunch and get some new ones. Even if he had, getting back to the simpler times when we did these things separately with our family's growing up, we each did the tree as a whole family. We never do ours together. I have some specialty ornaments that are mine, he has some that our his and we have some that just the run of the mill regular ornaments. I put all of these on the tree and leave space for his and when he gets around to putting them on in the wee hours of the am when he's up and active on a weekend or before he goes to work. It's never really together and that's what I miss most.

Beat

Hello again fellow readers !!

Well today didn't go as badly as I had thought it would. I can tell you, this blogger didn't get much rest though. The situation at work just bothered me too much to let me rest well. Had to get up early so I could go to the doctors before work. Thankfully this blogger is never unprepared. While waiting for 10 minuets or so in the doctors office for her to come in, I got some writing done. Also while waiting for the very understaffed receptionists office to even report I was even there I got some reading in. There you have it folks, this blogger can turn even 10 minuets of available time into something productive. However, am beat now though. Shouldn't be this tired, but for not sleeping all that well and earlier in the week too, this blogger needs some rest. Though got some things to do before bed, can at least make sure I get there early tonight. Got a big day ahead tomorrow.  Hopefully more writing will ensue. Actually I can almost count on it :-D

Good night fellow readers and have a great weekend !!

ups and downs

Hello all !!

Today was weird day. Had some really good moments and some not so good. The good is, are you ready for this???, I WROTE !!! That's right you heard it hear. I wrote some more of the Tess/Troy story. I didn't get a lot written, but it's a start to get back to it. I am glad to report, mentioned character does make an appearance. Who says I don't deliver on a promise :-D

Now to the not so good part of the day. I know every office has rules and most employees find a way around those rules. This blogger is not innocent in this by any means. However, getting called out by a fellow employee who has no jurisdiction over me, who also does not call out other employees who are more obvious about they way they break this rule is uncalled for. Really trying not to play like I am without fault, but A I don't call out other employees and B don't threaten to go to the boss about it. Are we 5 years old?? Going off to tell on people? It's a professional place of business. If you don't like me, that's fine. Even though I didn't do anything to you? Do not take it out on me like this. I don't want to, but if my job gets in jeopardy from this person, I will have to call out people whom I very much like and I don't want to be put in a position to have to do so. Even writing about it doesn't quite get the anger I feel about it out. I just feel so frustrated that I don't even know where to begin to try and make it ease.

Here's to hopping tomorrow is a better day and one that ends better then the scenario in my head.

Night all

Long time no post

Hello there fellow readers !!

I am sure you are all asking yourselves why it's been so long since last I wrote. The answer to this question you may think was some horrible sickness, some very great news that kept me too busy to write, that I just gave up the blog or you just didn't notice my absence. Sadly the real answer is not that exciting or interesting really. The fact is I was just plain wiped out. My full time job has been beating down at me and taking all the energy I can muster just to get through the work day and my home life when I get out. With only a couple of hours to myself before having to start the cycle over again, I sometimes have to pick and choose what my downtime is going to consist of. Most of the time it involves reading (too obvious I would think). For the most part real life just got in the way. Lately though I have been feeling the push again to work on my writing. One of the things that got me back to this point was an interview I recently saw of my favorite author Laurel K Hamilton. Laurel was promoting her new release A Shiver of Light, and during the process of discussing what little she could without giving the whole thing away, she discussed getting published. One of the things she said really resonated with me. Basically she called to those who wish to be authors to not give up. To not take the first rejection and decide to call it quits or self publish. Don't get me wrong, she didn't have anything bad to say about doing so, but the point was to not give up when/if you get rejected. Laurel brought up the fact that if she had given up herself at that point, her first book in the Anita Blake series (which has 21 books now in it's series) would never have been published. Her other piece of advice that really hit home was to just write. Don't talk about doing it, just do it. Doesn't have to be hours and hours. Doesn't even have to be anything that you decide to keep, you don't find your voice as an author without writing and finding what process works best for you.

Let me tell you why this affected me so. With regards to not giving up after one rejection (or even 2 or 3), my biggest fear is (no matter what some people have told me about my own novel) rejection. I am not one who takes to it well. Now I am no stranger to it, oh no quite the contrary, but I personally don't always handle it well. I have a very low self-a steam and am afraid that once out there, no one will read it or that if people like it I won't be able to believe it.  So trying to skip this part all together I had opted to just go the self publish rout when the time came. However, with these words of wisdom from an author I admire, I may just put myself out there and see what happens. The second piece of advice hit home more on a personal level. As mentioned above, I LET my job and other things keep me from doing what I really what to do. I LET myself talk myself out of writing for one reason or another. Mostly because I felt so far behind that I figured what's the point. Hearing her say that it doesn't have to be all day, but a little part of your day (till of course you become a full time writer) made me realize I could work on my writing in the bits of time that I do have and that's ok.

I have put off my goal for too long now. I am almost 40 years old, have a job that I can honestly say is not what I still want to be doing 32 years from now when I am still having to work at age 70 to keep up with the cost of things. Of course just getting by now would have something to do with that too, but I digress. I not only want, but NEED a change. No one can make that happen but myself. It took that interview to remind me that one day I could have fans, eager to watch a video interview regarding my newest release. It was in that moment, when I realized I didn't want to just be be a fan watching the interview, I wanted to BE the one interviewed, that I decided I had to get back to writing here and working on my book.

Now to end this long blog, I have a teaser from the Tess/Troy novel. Ready for it? Here it is: Veronica Jane. I will leave you all to ponder who/what she is in the novel, but I can tell you this: She is IMPORTANT and is responsible for eventually cementing the future of those 2 characters.

Bye for now !!