My First Blog

Hello All

This blog has been created because of my husband. He has one on this site as well. You may know him as Dr. X His blog is live from the outskirts. I say it's been created because of him because I've seen him get satisfaction from his writing on this site and I need some of that right about now.

You see for some time he has been writing on here and telling everyone we don't have money and he doesn't have any fun anymore and that this is a washed up place to live. Most recently he has gone so far as to post a local newspaper article about gangs that was plublished a few days ago, which really set his "I want to move out of here" attitute he's had into high grear. This is unsettlting for me. I have lived here all my life. I have only moved away once and that was to be closer to him when we were dating. Of course once we got engaged and he didn't want me to have the type of career I wanted in NYC I moved back home. Once married he moved up here. I know it was hard for him because he left his parents, whom he's really close to and all his best frineds behind.

I've never quite figured out what I am supposed to do to make it any easier. For 4 years I have tired everything I can think of to try and make him feel more at home in this town. My parents have been nothing but suportive and welcoming. I don't know what to do anymore. For the last 4 years that we have been married I have watched him gain weight (me too unfortunetly, but more on that another time), his health get worse, and out sex life dwindle to non-existant. His frineds have come up to vist a few times and his parents come up for vistis too, but these haven't been often enough or long enough to break through what's bothering him. He never talks to me, I read his blog sometimes and find out thigns he never tells me. Tonight was one of those nights. I have to admit that it shook me a little and led to me creating my own blog.

I don't know what to do with him anymore. I take care of things around the house during the day before going to work ( I work nights) to try and lighten the load that he has to worry about when he gets home. I do this because admitedly I can't cook all that well or a lot of different things like he can, plus I am not home to have it hot and waiting for him when he does. But he still makes up chores that need to get done around the house to weigh on his mind till it drives him crazy.

Now I am asking you out there who are reading this if this makes any sense to anyone. Now we bought the house we live in two years ago now, before we were renting a trailer that very nice, but getting a little too small to be comfortable anymore. There was still laundry, the dishwasher still needed empting, and the garbage still needed to be put out along with the vacuming and dusting and all that. However, and this is what doesn't make sense to me he makes more of a big deal out of these then he ever did there. He hated his job then and still does now, but now it's like a constant thing with him. I have tried to get him to look, but of course if you read his blog you should know that there isn't a lot of jobs available that pay decently. He feels he couldn't get any that are and when pushed to try for a civil job that would pay better (and he could ace the test in his sleep because he's that smart and has now lived in the area long enough) he doesn't answer and just blows it off. So we are now both frustrated and there doesn't seem to be an end. We don't get any more bills then we used to I even cut out magazine suscrcptions that I had to save money and I wasn't finding time to read them anyway. So I don't know what happend. We almost went broke , but then his parents gave us a lot of money as a gift from a fudn they needed to close out and saved our buts. We both work and he is still afraid the money is going to run out. It's his biggest thing. He is so obsesed with money.

Now he wants me to move away from the only town I have ever really known and away from all my family and I mean all extended as well as immediate. Of course from all my friends as well. Though I guess this is only fair, but with the amount of help my family has given us I don't know if living away from them would be a good thing. Add to that they my mother hatess travel of any kind and my brother and sister can't aford to travel with all my neices and nephews to come visit I would never see them unless we came here and with him an d money we'd never be able to come back.

He is also driving me nuts about his birthday this year. He wants to rob my family and I from doing anything for him. He thinks we don't have any money so he won't tell me anything he wants and he wants my family to not get him anything either. Now this is a big slpe to all ov us who love him and want to use his day as a way to show him he's special. What he wants I can't give him. If you read his blog you will know that he wants his frineds up and playing this game called battletech, which I know nothing about and find it way above me to figure out . I would love to do that for him, but I can't make his frineds come and I don't have a waay to contact them anyway to ask them. We don't have the room to put them all up either even with out big house.

Anyway enough about him. I am also writing this for me. I got turned down for what seems to be the 100th time for a teaching job that has come up in the area for my subject area. I am getting very upset by the idea that by time I get my career going it will be time to end it. I don't know what it is that happens at interviews that don't land me to job. This last one went well it seemed and they really wanted me to show up for the interview so I took the day off because of the crappy time they gave me and went. Only to be greeted with a call two days later staing that I didn't make it to the next round. Of course my husband tried to be nice about it, but I think he was happy that I didn't get it because he seems happiest when I don't succeed as long aas he's not. I think it would kill him to see me end up with the job I want when he either can't or won't or doesn't know what it is, which I think is half his problem.

I have also toyed with trying to be a writer. This, however, didn't work. I started this book and was a part of a writers club my frined asked me to join once and after the first meeting that I went to they stopped meeting on line. It was an club that was organized with people who write by invitation only by aol chat. Only once asked into the group chate room were you able to find them. Anyway after that failed and she stopped seeming interested in reading what I was writing I stopped writing it. Without no one pressing me for more or giving me a deadline I just put it aside. Even though others have read the work and liked it without support of those who are not afraid to tell you to your face you suck, I have no ambition to keep goign with it. So every now and then I may end one of these blogs with a tiny bit of it in hopes that if someone reads it and likes it and can lead me to get it published that would be great.

I though I had cought a break when a web site I like to go to couldn't offer me a postion I had applied for, but offered me a special assignment that menat writing a character descrption off every character in the 5 Harry potter books. However, what I got was the 14 year old kid who aske dme to do in the first place telling me, an English teacher that I didn't incluse physical descrptions of these characters. I wrote back to him and stated that I was upset that he didn't read them (he admited he didn't really read though them well) and how can words like "horse like face" not be considered descriptive. Needless to say once he receved the 34 page project one time I might add, he has not published it on his web site. I think he still doesn't like it. He has now asked me to inclued info from the Harry Potter book before he posts anything, but I don' t know if it will ever see the light of day.

Anyway it is now 2 am and my husband is probably wondering where I am and thinking I am watching t.v, which by the way he thinks I do all day before I go to work which is not true, but more on that another time.

Thanks for reading the ramblings of a wife who doesn't know what to do anymore and if there is anyone out there who can offer any suggestions feel free, till then I leave you with a tiny bit of my non finished book not titled yet. Well that's a bust because I can't cut and paste I will try to leave you all something another time.

Enjoy !!!

Mrs X