A Hard Lesson

Hey all,

Yesterday was my birthday. I was proved again why planing a party or trying to do anything special never works for me. Sure there were a few texts , Facebook posts and 1 call, but otherwise the day passed with little fanfare and a lot of disappointment. The one person who really has nothing to do all day, who by the way had been excited about hanging out, never responded to any texts and then went on to say how much they loved me. Well the old adage of "it's actions not words" rings true.

Ok I might just be a little tough on this person. They do work the night shift and does have to sleep weird hours. However, as actions speak more than words, this hurt. What also hurt is no gifts. Not that I need anything or had something specific in mind that I wanted, but that doesn't mean that someone  (ie my husband) doesn't know what I like or had a list of things I wanted him to look for online. Instead of doing that he went to bed early every night. So when he got me my card, all he got was a box of chocolates. No real thought, just something there he grabbed to have something to give me. Now it's a nice thought and we did go out to dinner, which is something we don't always do. So it was a nice night and he tried. Still it would have been nice for something more thoughtful.

Granted I am having a party over the weekend. There are plans most of the weekend to help me celebrate. Even that though is not a source of happiness as it should. Some family members who go on about how they wanted to be around family and be there for special events for their family as well as for us, the extended family. Well almost 8 years ago (coincidentally, the last time I ever tried to do something on my birthday) same person as well as others put a bowling game in more importance then letting me plan my party on when I really had wanted it. I had to plan it on another day. Not so bad not having it on the day I turned 30, didn't have to be on the day so things worked out. Now all these years later, again actions speak, and bowling is on a different day and once again interfering with this family member coming. Though it could change and they would show up, it's still disappointing. Mentally I know that if it wasn't the first night and they would forfeit the game, the fact that that is more important to them then showing up and being there for me hurts. What also hurts is said family member stated that if I hadn't had the nerve to have a party the way I wanted, and just had family party like the rest of the family got, they would be there.

On top of that now people who once stated they were going are now backing out. So again as much as words are nice, it's the actions that speak. So once again something that was supposed to be a happy nice occasion being tempered b those not attending.

What also speaks is that on Facebook, whenever it's someone's birthday I make a point of saying happy birthday. Even if it's not someone who is a close friend or family. I do it. The fact that besides those who are closest to me, not one birthday wish. Of course now posting thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday, more people are sending wishes. In other words, not people who are sincere. So either I really don't mean anything at all to these people, or there are that many people who are that self absorbed they can't read their Facebook notices that reminds them of friends birthdays. It's not like they are not on it anyway posting or checking their wall. It just pisses me off that it just seems like I don't mean anything to people and their feelings, even if I'm not close means something to me. Got a lot of soul searching to do I guess.

I know it sounds like that I am depressed in these last few posts, but I'm not. I'm disgusted.

deeply trubled and sadened

Well friends I am back ! That's the good news The reason why I'm back is not. To get a real understanding of the current situation, let me take you back almost 9 years ago to the planing of my 30th birthday party. Wanted to host a party for family and friends for the milestone birthday. However, the year I was turning 30 by birthday landed on a Sunday.Now not a problem normally, but a lot of my family was on a bowling league. Yes don't laugh, bowling. It's something that my parents enjoyed when I was a child and once my brother moved back he wanted to bowl with his wife and my parents on a league. Long story short, at least 4 members of my family were on a league that stated the Sunday of my birthday. So needless to say as it's the first night for those not in the know, you decide a lot of things with the first meeting/night of season. Most of which will affect how much you have to pay. Needless to say the idea of family not being a part of my party distressed me. Needless to say tears ensued and my wonderful husband dried those tears and helped a compromise that we were all good with. Though I didn't really like it, I had the party the night before. I then went out with a small group of friends till after midnight so I'd be out on my birthday.  After that party, I really never tried to plan anything for it again. I figured as long as they bowled it would be pointless to try and set anything up without running into the same issues time and again.

So for the last eight years I have not really done anything for my birthday. That's not to say I didn't spend a nice day out and about with my hubby. I just never had a big party. This year I decided I wanted to do something nice for my birthday that wouldn't just be the 2 of us. I wanted a party so I can be around all the people who make up my life. The idea that family were supposed to spend time together and be there for these type of things, which is one of the reasons my brother moved back home after being away 16 years. So here I am trying to plan a party to celebrate my last year in my 30's and trying to get a head count and turns out some family members can't make it again due to bowling. Now some others can't make it and those I can understand. one is going away for basic training, the other and her fiance have plans that night and she already has to get time off of work for that. Now with the family members not not attending due to bowling will have 2 of there 4 kids miss out on party as well. So now I am down 4 from the 20 we gave the restaurant. I was thinking there were going to be more, not less. Look I get that the first night when part of a team is important and really can't be missed. I have a friend missing for bowling too, but she I can understand. It's the family I can't. God wants us to put family first. I feel that I am always being pushed aside and forced to do things I don't want to do because others won't  be there for me.

Family member in question stated that the day after my party I could always just do one just the family at my parents house. I just didn't want to do the half assed party that would entail. I wanted to avoid that by having this party on my terms. I know the family member in question really wants to go and depending on things may still be able to go, but it's just hurtful that I can't count on them to be there for me when I need them. It's just disappointing that I come in 2nd to a game. It feels like it's always something. I have to make concessions for them if I want them to be a part of things, but they won't for me if I had something that would stop me from attending one of their events.  

Even more excited !!

So it's now a day before the event and I was still expecting to have to go back and forth to be able to set aside the books I would need to be able to attend the event I've been looking forward to since April when the book tour was cannoned. I can now say that things have finally worked themselves out as I hoped they would. I now have the books pre ordered and will be able to just collect what I need at the time of the event with out a lot of hoopla. I am grateful that the event coordinator was able to get back with me finally and had taken care of what needed to be done to make attending this even a less painful and more enjoyable one. Now all I have to do is get to event, meet up with an old friend and just enjoy. I am glad to say that is not anther want to do things that lands on my regret list instead of the I am so glad I did that list. I am at that time in my life where I am suppose to not be adding to, but reducing that list and I am glad to say that it's happening!! I am so grateful to husband for be understating about my wanting to go and not giving me an issue about going. I am grateful to my niece, whom has no interest in this author in any way, but was willing to say "sure I'll go if you want" just to go and spend time with me. I am glad everything is finally coming together for this. I am slightly sorry that the event isn't today and today is the day the book comes out. I know fans at her first stop tonight are going to be crazy excited. I am so tempted to go out and get the book, even though I have a signed one (even better then just getting a first edition) waiting for me. I almost don't want to read the signed one. I am so torn about it.Anyone who feels the way I do about books, especially hardcover first editions will understand. Stay tuned for more about the event and the book !

Getting excited

Hello all !

Well I am getting excited for an event coming up that I am going to be lucky enough to attend. Anyone who has read any of my more recent blogs knows that I LOVE  Laurell K Hamilton. Anything she's written and any event she attended that was filmed. As we are getting close to her latest Anita Blake novel release, I am happy to announce that I am going to be lucky enough to be able to finally attend one of these events in person. She is only putting on a few of these for this latest novel. One of these is finally going to be near enough to where I live that it would be fees-able to even consider attending. So with that being said, a plan was hatched to make it happen. So now I am pleased to announce that I will be definitely be going and am so happy. Though it wouldn't be me if something didn't happen that would make this possibly not happen. There was an event that occurred a few days ago that almost kept me from being able to go. Even though I would have been saddened to not make it, for what happened I wouldn't grudge for one moment having to miss out. Not to say I wouldn't be disappointed, but... Thankfully I don't have to make that choice. Of course there was the typical bull that my corporate job puts me through when it comes to getting time off. It started when I found out about the event months ago and immediately put in for the time off. Of course it was denied and I had to fight for it for the last 2 months so I could go. Ironically the same day that the event occurred that would have kept me from going, is the day that my job finally approved the time off. Of course the job wasn't the aspect making this difficult. Some rules set up regarding the event tend to make it difficult for out of towners to attend. It's almost like they don't want the tourist money that would be raised for 2 people needing a hotel and food and just in general spending money in there city. So trying to work with the people of the store hosting the event has been good, but lots of phone tag and still the pre-order is not done. Days before the event and I can't say that I am impressed with how it's being handled. The person is pleasant enough, but I just don't understand why it's got to be so hard. I didn't want to have to go back and forth and back and forth from where I am staying and where the event is being held. Though at this point I have no choice but to do this and leave earlier then I had intended . Though I am just glad to be attending. I am also glad to be seeing an old friend I haven't seen in over a decade. Things usually have a way of working out and I am hoping that in all the stress and obstacles faced to get to the event, the more I will enjoy and hold dear the memories that attending will make.

On a slightly, but not all different note, a co-worker who is a published author whom talked to me about his writing group is now back at work in my office. I am glad to report that not only did we resume our friendship and talks about writing again, but have someone whom I can reach out to and be able to get advice from and play ideas off of. I am so pleased with this outcome that I can only say this gets my writing juices flowing again and that my book is only going to be all the stronger for it.

New Year

Well friends, it's that time of year again. A time where we all make lists of things we want to do or goals we want to accomplish. It's also the time of year when these mostly go unfulfilled within hours of being set. I know I have made mention before that finishing my book was my gold/resolution. In a way I have fulfilled this by working on it throughout the years. Smaller goal of just to write whether on here, fb, my personal journal, something, anything to just write. This advice was provided by my favorite author, Laurel K Hamilton. It is something I take to heart when I hear her give this advice when she does interviews or does any con visits. So to start the new year with same goals in mind, being closer then I had been to making it come true, I am posting this blog tonight.

Why you may ask am I not out or preparing to go out to bring in the new year. Quite frankly, it's because I wasn't asked. I used to have standing plans with a friend, but she now goes off and does her own thing. What about my husband you ask? Well I'll tell you. The few time when we were dating and were together on new years eve, which was only twice, 1 of those times we went out, the other time we stayed at my house with my parents and he feel asleep on my couch. Ever since we've been married, we really haven't done much. We had a few gatherings once in awhile at our place, but nothing big or really planed out. Trouble is you have to know what you want to do, ask your intended guests, and be prepared for them. The few times we had company on this night, it was always last minuet thrown together and finding those who didn't already have plans that could attend.  Usually this was because a day or so before the "big event" my husband would finally decide that he wanted company or to do something. Well I heard him talking to his Dad and he must have asked what our plans were and my husband replied "nothing ever since coming to this dump." Like there are not places throwing parties or restaurants having activities or extended hours. No he comes home in a pissy mood on purpose. Doesn't talk to me and proceeds to fall asleep in his chair as early as possible and pretends like I don't want to do anything or that we can't still go somewhere. His plans are to sleep the night away and then in the morning take all the Christmas things down. So I get to sit around by myself, kiss no one like I was back in middle school and not really dating yet, though I have someone to kiss, and bring in the new year all by my lonesome. To top it off. I get to use the only day I get off for this holiday doing all the work of putting the house back in order. It's not like last week were I got the day after Christmas off too. At least for me anyway. He gets tomorrow and Friday off, plus the weekend. Who will be doing all the work he insists gets done? Me. Though I'll stay up till midnight and he's the one with all the rest.

Enough of the rant though. Back to my original thought. So many people say  new year new me and similar phrases. Too many of us forget or break those things too early in the new year to have even really attempted them. That is why my goal is to stay steady on the course I have recently taken to get my book completed. I know I am the type that needs a dead line or else I'll procrastinate as long as I can, just like most people. Though with the new hours that just started before all this holiday stuff got in the way I have a steady plan in place to meet this goal. I believe in the not so far future I will have that book completed. I am hoping so anyway. So while I am at least ending this year on a note that gets me moving in the direction I want the new year to go in, though not happily, I wish you and yours all the best in the upcoming year. May you all set goals that are achievable so you don't want to give up at the first sign of failure.

Here's to the New Year !!!!!!!!   

Beyond fustrated

Please forgive this little rant, but I can't seem to get passed a few things that happened at work today without writing about it and get it out of my system this way, before it eats away at me and ruins what could/should be a nice relaxing evening with my husband. He being in good spirits and my mood putting a shadow over it, I just need a release. So here it is:

Some people at work need to stop being duplicitous. If you are a person in a position where you have underlings of any kind, you need be sure that you treat everyone under you in the same manor. You SHOULD not extend curtsies to some and not others. An example of this is when you have people who have vacation time left to use before the end of the year and you know this and one person has come to you with a request to use that time and you ignore it and don't respond to it and make that person hunt you down to ask you for a response to that request and you fluff it off and another person under you asks for time off and you make sure she gets it. This does nothing to instill confidence in your leadership abilities. This does not make people want to jump up and yell their support for you. I thought this was a work place, not high school, though I guess when the person in question was a former student of mine and not too long out of high school, I guess this is not a surprise. I know I am not great shakes at instilling confidence in myself as I don't carry myself with confidence and it shows to others. I hate this about myself and strive to fix this about myself.

The other incident at work that bothers me is this: why if someone above you has no issue with something that is happening and all but basically pushed the situation on me, why would you go out of your way to make sure there is an issue. If the person above you doesn't seem to have an issue, then don't go out of your way to make sure there is one. I have done nothing to either person and the fact both seem to try and go out of their way to try and make my experience at this job uncomfortable and more stressful then it needs to be.

So to end this rant, please if you are a boss of any kind, remember that people notice things, talk to others, share what's happening and it doesn't always look good for you or the people you are supposed to be in charge of. If others see that you are treating someone a certain way, they will think there's a good reason as you are the boss and that doesn't help your people work as a team like you say you want them.

In other news, the new work hours I have now have renewed the good vibes in my marriage. I think  my husband and I haven't been closer. I am enjoying the companionship we have as we share the chores that seem tedious when doing them alone. We have encouraged each other to make it down to exercise. It's just been nice spending some down time together and still getting the chores out of the way. So in that aspect, work has been good to me.  

Crap !

That is the word that sums up this day for me. Had day off and was going to finish decorating for the holiday. What a joke! Earlier this week the lights I put up in the covered indoor porch didn't go well and still haven't figured out those yet. Today the lights for the tree once I went around it what felt like a million times don't work. Now the storm that was supposed be winding down is finally actually hitting us and really hope that it ends in time to not be terrible getting to work. My husband got to work from home today due to the pending storm, but now looks like it should have been tomorrow that we both were home, not today. I just feel defeated. Every time I think I am going to give/get a good holiday, the worse it gets. I so want to have those feel good holidays like I had growing up and see on tv. I know those arn't true to form and no one can live up to them most of the time, but I want it anyway. My husband and I both long for those holidays when things seemed simpler. To be honest I just wish for help. One of the things I remember about growing up is that the whole family helped decorate for the holiday, not just one person. Yes Mom did most of it, but Dad cut down the tree, put up the lights outside with help from my brother, and put the lights on the tree and took care of it. That was before we got a artificial tree. Still he did the lights and got all the decorations for my Mom and us kids to put up. Last year I got some help with getting the decorations down and out, but that was it. I still had to put everything up and I had to do the porch lights myself. Why I could get them to work last year and not this year is still bothering me. Though I did those on my own I still has issued with some sections of lights not working and needed help from Dad with, but still. I am trying hard not to have to use him all the time for help because I know there will be time when he won't be able to or won't be around at all. I want to be able to do these things on my own. Where some husbands will go on latters and put up light mine won't. Unfortunately I am to short to carry the big later we have by myself and even though it's tall enough, the rungs are the narrow kind that make me feel unsteady so I don't like climbing it, even though I don't have issues with heights. So trying to stick to just the porch lights that I can do myself and it seems even though they all work (YAY) I can't get the one situation figured out to be able to turn them on.

The other issue is that whatever cold I had a few weeks ago that only went away for a week and now came back is not helping things. Also my husband has not been feeling well in a different way and is being a pain about trying to decorate and is making me not in the mood for this holiday at all on top of these other things that have gone wrong. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I am trying to say my husband hasn't done anything, he just shoved us out and will probably do it again in the morning. He also worked all day and couldn't help when I was trying to do things. It's just that he wouldn't have if he hadn't been. It wouldn't have even occurred to him to ask if I needed it. That's the part that gets me. When he knew things weren't working with the lights he could have offered to drive me to the store during his lunch and get some new ones. Even if he had, getting back to the simpler times when we did these things separately with our family's growing up, we each did the tree as a whole family. We never do ours together. I have some specialty ornaments that are mine, he has some that our his and we have some that just the run of the mill regular ornaments. I put all of these on the tree and leave space for his and when he gets around to putting them on in the wee hours of the am when he's up and active on a weekend or before he goes to work. It's never really together and that's what I miss most.

Beat

Hello again fellow readers !!

Well today didn't go as badly as I had thought it would. I can tell you, this blogger didn't get much rest though. The situation at work just bothered me too much to let me rest well. Had to get up early so I could go to the doctors before work. Thankfully this blogger is never unprepared. While waiting for 10 minuets or so in the doctors office for her to come in, I got some writing done. Also while waiting for the very understaffed receptionists office to even report I was even there I got some reading in. There you have it folks, this blogger can turn even 10 minuets of available time into something productive. However, am beat now though. Shouldn't be this tired, but for not sleeping all that well and earlier in the week too, this blogger needs some rest. Though got some things to do before bed, can at least make sure I get there early tonight. Got a big day ahead tomorrow.  Hopefully more writing will ensue. Actually I can almost count on it :-D

Good night fellow readers and have a great weekend !!

ups and downs

Hello all !!

Today was weird day. Had some really good moments and some not so good. The good is, are you ready for this???, I WROTE !!! That's right you heard it hear. I wrote some more of the Tess/Troy story. I didn't get a lot written, but it's a start to get back to it. I am glad to report, mentioned character does make an appearance. Who says I don't deliver on a promise :-D

Now to the not so good part of the day. I know every office has rules and most employees find a way around those rules. This blogger is not innocent in this by any means. However, getting called out by a fellow employee who has no jurisdiction over me, who also does not call out other employees who are more obvious about they way they break this rule is uncalled for. Really trying not to play like I am without fault, but A I don't call out other employees and B don't threaten to go to the boss about it. Are we 5 years old?? Going off to tell on people? It's a professional place of business. If you don't like me, that's fine. Even though I didn't do anything to you? Do not take it out on me like this. I don't want to, but if my job gets in jeopardy from this person, I will have to call out people whom I very much like and I don't want to be put in a position to have to do so. Even writing about it doesn't quite get the anger I feel about it out. I just feel so frustrated that I don't even know where to begin to try and make it ease.

Here's to hopping tomorrow is a better day and one that ends better then the scenario in my head.

Night all

Long time no post

Hello there fellow readers !!

I am sure you are all asking yourselves why it's been so long since last I wrote. The answer to this question you may think was some horrible sickness, some very great news that kept me too busy to write, that I just gave up the blog or you just didn't notice my absence. Sadly the real answer is not that exciting or interesting really. The fact is I was just plain wiped out. My full time job has been beating down at me and taking all the energy I can muster just to get through the work day and my home life when I get out. With only a couple of hours to myself before having to start the cycle over again, I sometimes have to pick and choose what my downtime is going to consist of. Most of the time it involves reading (too obvious I would think). For the most part real life just got in the way. Lately though I have been feeling the push again to work on my writing. One of the things that got me back to this point was an interview I recently saw of my favorite author Laurel K Hamilton. Laurel was promoting her new release A Shiver of Light, and during the process of discussing what little she could without giving the whole thing away, she discussed getting published. One of the things she said really resonated with me. Basically she called to those who wish to be authors to not give up. To not take the first rejection and decide to call it quits or self publish. Don't get me wrong, she didn't have anything bad to say about doing so, but the point was to not give up when/if you get rejected. Laurel brought up the fact that if she had given up herself at that point, her first book in the Anita Blake series (which has 21 books now in it's series) would never have been published. Her other piece of advice that really hit home was to just write. Don't talk about doing it, just do it. Doesn't have to be hours and hours. Doesn't even have to be anything that you decide to keep, you don't find your voice as an author without writing and finding what process works best for you.

Let me tell you why this affected me so. With regards to not giving up after one rejection (or even 2 or 3), my biggest fear is (no matter what some people have told me about my own novel) rejection. I am not one who takes to it well. Now I am no stranger to it, oh no quite the contrary, but I personally don't always handle it well. I have a very low self-a steam and am afraid that once out there, no one will read it or that if people like it I won't be able to believe it.  So trying to skip this part all together I had opted to just go the self publish rout when the time came. However, with these words of wisdom from an author I admire, I may just put myself out there and see what happens. The second piece of advice hit home more on a personal level. As mentioned above, I LET my job and other things keep me from doing what I really what to do. I LET myself talk myself out of writing for one reason or another. Mostly because I felt so far behind that I figured what's the point. Hearing her say that it doesn't have to be all day, but a little part of your day (till of course you become a full time writer) made me realize I could work on my writing in the bits of time that I do have and that's ok.

I have put off my goal for too long now. I am almost 40 years old, have a job that I can honestly say is not what I still want to be doing 32 years from now when I am still having to work at age 70 to keep up with the cost of things. Of course just getting by now would have something to do with that too, but I digress. I not only want, but NEED a change. No one can make that happen but myself. It took that interview to remind me that one day I could have fans, eager to watch a video interview regarding my newest release. It was in that moment, when I realized I didn't want to just be be a fan watching the interview, I wanted to BE the one interviewed, that I decided I had to get back to writing here and working on my book.

Now to end this long blog, I have a teaser from the Tess/Troy novel. Ready for it? Here it is: Veronica Jane. I will leave you all to ponder who/what she is in the novel, but I can tell you this: She is IMPORTANT and is responsible for eventually cementing the future of those 2 characters.

Bye for now !!

waiting

Hey all !!

      I am trying to be patient and let the doc office get back to me, but don't know if I'm succeeding. Yesterday being a day off (finally) for me turned into taking care of a bunch of things. I was excited and proud of myself (at little anyway) for getting all this stuff done and getting to have lunch with my Sis, whom I haven't seen in a while. Of course the stuff turned into a disaster as almost everything I picked up at the store wasn't right or deemed not good enough for some reason or another. So after being belittled and made to feel that I was stupid for not knowing that what I was getting was wrong, an attempt to apologize just kind of  feel flat. So not in the best of moods and really hope the medicine I seem to need right now gets approved and I get it soon.

Feeling annoyed

Hey All


        Feeling annoyed today. Had a back and forth with my Doctors office. All I am wanting is them to leave me a script for a medication I already had been on and want to get back on for awhile. I also want a blood work order to test my levels. As 2 of the big reasons they say I might be having the hair loss issue is stress and off levels for hormones. Put off going in for overtime in case can get the info and still don't have an answer. May have one on Thursday, but I want it before then.

Making the best of it

Hey All,

       Tried to post this last night, but blogger wasn't cooperating. I made use of the quiet Sunday afternoon after attending Mass. I typed up the first chapter of the Susan and Mark story, as they wouldn't get out of my head until I did:-D I also worked on typing up some of the Tess and Troy story. Didn't get too much on that, but 3 pages on the first. So over all not a lot done, but made use of the time to make sure I got something done.

finally

Hey All !!!


           Finally felt up to posting something. Also finally had something to post about too. On a professional note, my horoscope couldn't have been more right yesterday. It said something about being creative and giving into that side of myself as it wouldn't be ignored. No soon then maybe an hour after reading that did it come true. I was walking down the sidewalk in front of my office, on my way in, when an idea popped into my head and wouldn't let go. It just gripped me and was all consuming .  Thank goodness the day started off slow (which for getting paid per call and doing an hour of overtime wasn't good) as I got to write the idea down in rough format. For this book there is research to be done, but haven't figured out details yet. Though I can introduce you to the new characters taking center stage. Meet Mark Hartman and Susan Delaney. Mark is a fireman and Susan is a office assistant in an office building across from Mark's firehouse. That's all I can tempt you with regarding this new development. It's too new to share more as the characters haven't given me much yet.

         On a personal note, I am sad. Have been for awhile, which is why things haven't been worked on and no blog postings. Yesterday I had a hair appointment anyway, but had to cut my hair short and am not too thrilled with having to do so. Not saying it looks bad, or that my hairdresser did a bad job on it. I just never wanted to go back to having short hair again. However, the thinning of it has progressed to the point that if I didn't it wouldn't look good. I have been hating my hair because of this and not wanting to wake up in the morning to have to deal with trying to play around with it so it didn't look like I had an issue. Which on top of the other stresses added more which compounded the issue. I have to call the doc office on Monday and get script for anti-anxiety med again. Hate to have to take meds for things I should be able to deal with, but apparently my body is telling me I am not dealing with things as well as I thought so if I don't want to be bald and hating myself even more, I have to do what I have to do for ME. I know it's vain to worry about such a trivial thing like hair, but when you are a women, it plays am important role in feeling feminine and pretty. If you don't feel it then everything else suffers. Believe me I haven't felt pretty in awhile. Even now, though my husband likes the new do, I don't feel feminine or pretty. I feel better that at least it looks ok for public outings and work, but other then that not thrilled with this whole development. Hopefully I can report some better changes and with those changes, the urge to be creative again will be back. Got to admit the little spark of it yesterday felt great for the time it lasted.

mixed bag

Hi all !!


Got some good news today from the doc. Was a little worried about something I found and made and apt to check it out and all is well. So on that note, the time off I took to make the doc apt was used to.. Ready for this.. WRITE !!!! That's write all, I was writing again. More accurately, I was typing up what was already written. That is to say except one scene that hadn't been written by hand. I decided to add a little something else personal into the story. So now my first sex scene between Tess and Troy has been written and an extra touch of something personal was added. Can't wait to get more involved again in my writing. I forget how freeing and soothing it can be. As today started out as a cloudy day, I had decided to make the most of the time I had off by making sure what was missing in my story, as mentioned in a previous post my story all of a sudden didn't have the correct amount of pages. All it was is that it was double spaced. I have a lot more to go, but doing what I did today felt great. I missed my characters. I missed being involved with them and having them talk in my head telling me I need this to be in there. Tess was stubborn and insisted that the scene I wrote today had to be in there and Troy was equally stubborn and insisted he felt this was about it and if I made it any different, he wasn't going to cooperate with me later. I had the same thing happen with the ex-husband character Dave. When I was writing the scene where he comes into play, he insisted on a larger role then I had planed for him. Even now, he's talking to me telling me I have to hurry and get to the part that includes him again and is insisting LOUDLY that I have to have him do something I wasn't planing on happening. So as you can see, my characters are welcoming me back into their world and want stage time and want what they want. Hopefully this book will end the way I had intended, but with they way these guys are going, I can't count on it. I already had the story ending in mind just as I had the beginning. They came fully formed. Hopefully no one involved has a problem with it, cuz I would really hate to end it differently. Though Dave is arguing with me that he doesn't like how it ends for him. Even though I didn't plan on this being a series or even being told in two books, I can see how that could happen and with how they are leading me, I might just have to play around in Tess and Troy's world a little longer. Anita, another character of mine is telling me I need to get back to her story soon, as that IS supposed to be a series of who knows how many books.

To top all that off, I found I could still take the trip I wanted to take, but going by myself and other situations still make me hesitate. Though of course right now I can't decide. So with too many possibilities to ponder this evening, I leave you on the high note that Tess and Troy haven't left me and can't wait to share their story with you all. 

Disappointed once again

Hi All !!

Well I might have been heading to London for my first ever Harry Potter conference. However, as my husband was considering sending me, things turned up on the home front that wouldn't allow the cost really. Then he would have liked to go @ the same time to go to war hammer stuff while I was doing my thing. Though the conference is around his birthday and would be what he would like to do, obligations to see his Father and time constraints to see his friends around that time too didn't fit in with making it fees able. One of the disappointments of not being able to go is that it had been closed out for so long and was a flagship attempt to see how it would go over being overseas. My niece had told me about it and had said it was closed out. When they opened up more spots for a fleeting moment I was almost going to go, couldn't help the excitement that built up. Now, knowing that I can't go just kind of sucks. Brings back the memories of the one I was going to go to in FL that I missed out on as the decision to register was made too late and even though my niece was kind enough to wait list me without telling me, in case it didn't work out, which it didn't. I spent that vacation time painting the outside of my house and getting sunburned. So the regret of missing out on that is now mirrored by this disappointment. Was considering going to the one next year in FL as the one in Portland this year didn't interest me. Somehow I think that one is going to be a wash too. Sorry for the negative thoughts today, but that's what's on my mind this morning.

One Crazy Day

Hi All,

Today the blog is not about writing or what work I got done on my writing projects. Today's blog is personal. Today was THE craziest day I have had in a long while. 1 simple chore, wash the curtains in the house, turned into 2 trips to Home Depot and cleaning till all hours. Usually my cleaning starts around 10 or so.My husband was working ot today from home so I had to start some of it later then normal. So while waiting for him to be done, I decided a project I meant to do months ago I can do now. Everything started off fine. All the curtains came down and went into the wash and then the dryer. Meanwhile I started doing some of the other stuff on my list that wouldn't interfere with my husbands work. All is good. He leaves to do the shopping and I continue to dust the woodwork where the curtains were as it needed it. Well here's where it gets crazy. One of the mini-blinds that we have started to list to one side, saw that the sting on it was broke. Knowing I couldn't leave it like that went off the Home Depot. Got a fancy wood looking one that was more expensive (and looks great in the room I must say) and a cheep one as there was another one broke that needed replacing too, just not in a place that needed it right away. So I go and get these things and come back. Husbands already home and wondering where I had went. Critter guy was coming as we have a skunk trying to take over a woodchuck hole for a home. So all these things were all going on @ once. Then the new blind needed a new hole for bigger brackets and things so it wasn't going to be a simple replace like I had thought. So my Dad who is very handy came by to help out. He didn't bring a drill thinking we had one and not knowing if he'd even need one in the first place. Of course ours was dead. Then while charging and trying to hang the other blind that was a simple replace turned out not to be the right size. So off back to Home Depot we go. Get that fixed and Dad buys us batteries for our doorbells. Get back and fix the one blind then have to get the other one up and drill isn't charged. So finally get that up and trying putting up the curtains I took down. Oh yes there was a mishap with those as well. One set has rings one the top where they go over the rod, well one of these came off in the wash and wasn't easy to get back on, Dad figured out how. Of course all this takes all afternoon. What happened to the cleaning you ask? Well once resting with Dad once all that was over I had to finish the rest of it. Then I had to put the rest of the curtains back up. There is still 1 thing left to do and I am not sure I want to do it, but my husband gave me the best idea. He suggested to take a bath and relax after I finish. I SO think I am going to do so.It sounds like heaven right about now. So night all, off to finish the last chore and take my bath.

Slow week :-(

Hi All !!

       Sorry to have to report this, but it's been a slow week for writing :-(   I know I am as upset as you all are. Just a little frustrated that my pda still hasn't worked well with windows 7 and can't seem to find a driver that works. I may be tied to my computer once again to finish all the typing up and writing the end of the story of Tess and Troy. I am also debating adding more to the flashbacks that occur in the beginning of the story. Those are the real parts of the story, the rest is just part wishful thinking and part fantasy. Though as in all good writing, enough of the truth in the flashbacks makes the story more believable and drag you into the lives of the characters. Can't wait for you all to see the whole thing and for it be available. Working on it slowly, but surely. My dream will NOT be defeated.    

More set backs/acknolgements

Hi All !!!

      Well another set back to the pda/computer and writing situation. My new computer (which I am loving btw) is not playing nice with the pda. I am trying hard not to freak as I am trying to get my work done and not able to upload to my computer what I have already got done this past week. I know I can use my computer and not the pdfa over the weekend, but really need to get my work uploaded. Trying to figure out what the issue is and fix it. Also making time to make sure all my files from my old computer have been uploaded to the new one to make sure before giving it to my sister I don't lose anything. Even though sleep study this week caused a set back in work the day after, was able to get more done that night and the rest of the week.

      The acknowledgement I mentioned came from my hairdresser. Now I know she's also being nice for wanting to keep a customer, however, her acknowledgment of liking my work was treasuring. I had mentioned to her about my working on the novel and having her do my hair for the author photo for the jacket (someday) and she had said she wanted to read it. I had my pda with me when I had my hair appointment so let her read some of it. She would have liked to read more, but my hair was drying too quickly for her to get too far, but she had said she really liked what she got to read. She told me I was really good. That means a lot. She didn't have to say she liked it or the other nice things she said. She could have just said it was nice and moved on, but had complimented it thoroughly and asked questions. I am glad I showed her. Her compliments meant a lot to me as I am I am usually totally embarrassed when some one reads my work in front of me. Especially if I am not sure if people will like it.

      On a personal note, too much rain has caused my area to be flooded and I thank God the little wetness in my basement was the worst we suffered. Others fared not as well and I pray that they get back to normal as soon as possible. Can't wait till the rest of my work for the day is done so I can continue with my writing. More house work to do :-(    That's what I get for slacking during the week.

Have no fear

Hi All !

I have been doing some typing up for what's been written already. Haven't had a chance to get it all done, but doing ok on it. While one was drying out, the other is the one I was working on. Hopefully now that new computer is up and running I'll get the sync on my pda to work again and will not loose the stuff I've been doing. Had some ideas forming for characters that haven't showed themselves yet in the Reunion novel. Can't wait to get it finished already !!!